How should a wedding ceremony engage your wedding guests? Engaged is a really good word here. You become engaged which means you have created a bond, a promise of a wedding in the usually near-future. The word also means involved, but committed is the strongest indicator that two people are not just a dating couple but a seriously committed couple.
As a ceremonialist, I always emphasize to the people I interview that a deeply engaging ceremony is the very best public expression of spirituality and of the core meaning of what love is and can accomplish in our lives. It is imperative, IMHO, to have a ceremony where everyone is engaged in the truth and full meaning of love, particularly committed love.
This is why the Celebrant wedding philosophy so attracted me to do this particular work. Your love story is your journey to that moment, your personal take on what it means to be fully human and to make such a commitment for life. When I ask people all those questions and then sit down to craft a story from each response, it almost always turns out to have humor. Why? Life itself is funny, depending on your viewpoint, and authentic humor is engaging. But that doesn't mean cute jokes. Authentic stories allow everyone to enter your life from your story's point of view on love. And then each one who hears your story can connect from the heart and experience what love is, through you.
Engage your guests, your friends and family. It's so simple. Let them in on who you are. People will remember your story long after the taste of wedding cake has faded.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
weddings, recessions, budgets and smart spending
Are weddings recession proof? Of course not and why should they be?
But there is one advantage with a wedding: when savings have been set aside, there is money designated for the dream wedding. When money has not been set aside (we didn't do this 30+ years ago), a recession will sometimes dramatically affect how much you spend.
Many recent brides and grooms have told me lately that they can bargain with venues, caterers, photographers, florists and musicians. In my work I have met some of the best in the industry, particularly photographers and musicians, and I hate to see them suffer (they are artists, after all). But how do you decide where to let go of the purse strings and where to hold back?
Rule #1: Please yourself first. If your mother's three brothers and your fiance's father would be shocked at a wedding with under a hundred guests, DO IT anyway! Head count is vital to cost control.
Rule #2: Small things get noticed and they matter. A simple vase of white roses on a table with photos of the two of you as children will draw everyone's attention. We all grow up and sooner or later fall in love. Who would have thought that little boy with the floppy ears would turn out so handsome, especially in a tux?
Rule #3: The ceremony is the point and the reception is the after-party. If you can splurge anywhere, give yourself a violinist for your ceremony and let the DJ do the reception. If you're in a large city like Boston, call one of our many music schools and you'll find extraordinary talent and really good rates.
Rule #4: Do you have to have Vera Wang because your closest friends will know (Wang gowns are gorgeous) or can you take the time you need to look around at what makes you feel great, look great, and won't cost you six months of your rent?
Rule #5: Set the boundaries on the overruns. I have persuaded brides to get the violinist (or a string quartet) instead of the iPod, but it was up to the both groom and bride to say--yes, this is worth it and no, that is not.
Well, another homespun list from another unsolicited advisor, but I just couldn't help it. Recessions don't have to spoil the joy and pleasure of your great day!
But there is one advantage with a wedding: when savings have been set aside, there is money designated for the dream wedding. When money has not been set aside (we didn't do this 30+ years ago), a recession will sometimes dramatically affect how much you spend.
Many recent brides and grooms have told me lately that they can bargain with venues, caterers, photographers, florists and musicians. In my work I have met some of the best in the industry, particularly photographers and musicians, and I hate to see them suffer (they are artists, after all). But how do you decide where to let go of the purse strings and where to hold back?
Rule #1: Please yourself first. If your mother's three brothers and your fiance's father would be shocked at a wedding with under a hundred guests, DO IT anyway! Head count is vital to cost control.
Rule #2: Small things get noticed and they matter. A simple vase of white roses on a table with photos of the two of you as children will draw everyone's attention. We all grow up and sooner or later fall in love. Who would have thought that little boy with the floppy ears would turn out so handsome, especially in a tux?
Rule #3: The ceremony is the point and the reception is the after-party. If you can splurge anywhere, give yourself a violinist for your ceremony and let the DJ do the reception. If you're in a large city like Boston, call one of our many music schools and you'll find extraordinary talent and really good rates.
Rule #4: Do you have to have Vera Wang because your closest friends will know (Wang gowns are gorgeous) or can you take the time you need to look around at what makes you feel great, look great, and won't cost you six months of your rent?
Rule #5: Set the boundaries on the overruns. I have persuaded brides to get the violinist (or a string quartet) instead of the iPod, but it was up to the both groom and bride to say--yes, this is worth it and no, that is not.
Well, another homespun list from another unsolicited advisor, but I just couldn't help it. Recessions don't have to spoil the joy and pleasure of your great day!
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