No question, wedding music is a must. But most important is to remember to keep it simple.
Suggested live forums: violin, harp, flute. This also works just fine with CDs.
Not suggested: opera singers at varying points in the ceremony. I officiated a wedding last year that had an exquisite singer featured. On paper this sounded like a good idea, but in fact this was an unusually warm September morning and the guests were outdoors, facing directly into the sun. The wedding party, including me, were in the gazebo and comfortably in the shade.
The singing was not short and sweet, and not in a rhythm that blended with the flow of the wedding readings and vows. Each peace was sung in toto, a "feature" worthy of pause. However, this threw attention over to the singer and away from the couple. And the guests were baking (and sweating) in the direct sun. Of course, everyone praised the singer, but why were we there? The problem was not this artist's skills or sensibilities; he is a gifted musician. Had the couple asked the singer for thirty seconds, rather than three and a half minutes, it would have complimented the "flow". Flow is essential to a successful ceremony, especially in the outdoors where you can't control the weather.
I have lots more to say about this, but we'll leave it here for now. Most people can't afford or don't even know a gifted opera singer, but even CD music can be overdone. More later.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
Winter Wedding
I recently interviewed with a bride whose wedding is February 1. Brave or crazy? We live in the cold and snowy Northeast--this wedding is in western Massachusetts.
Aside for whatever reasons this date works well for the couple themselves, what advantage does a winter wedding have for everyone else involved?
One: it's much less expensive to book a destination wedding in the off-season. You save on your wedding investment and your guests get the best rates possible (unless your destination is Florida or the Caribbean). Two: winter in the Northeast is a low period for most of us---we start to feel the SAD symptoms---seasonal affective disorder--- around the first of February. Weddings are a huge mood lift, a way to connect to love and friendship and forget about the need to bundle up and close down on life.Third: your anniversary will always be the exceptional offbeat date and won't interfere with all the other lifelong celebrations you'll engage in forever--mother's and father's days, graduations and all the other summer and fall holidays.
Am I just putting a positive spin on winter? Perhaps, but there are advantages. You won't be disappointed if the sun isn't shining, as you won't be outside in the rain or even under a tent. A cozy room, a fire crackling---that's not such a bad idea!
Aside for whatever reasons this date works well for the couple themselves, what advantage does a winter wedding have for everyone else involved?
One: it's much less expensive to book a destination wedding in the off-season. You save on your wedding investment and your guests get the best rates possible (unless your destination is Florida or the Caribbean). Two: winter in the Northeast is a low period for most of us---we start to feel the SAD symptoms---seasonal affective disorder--- around the first of February. Weddings are a huge mood lift, a way to connect to love and friendship and forget about the need to bundle up and close down on life.Third: your anniversary will always be the exceptional offbeat date and won't interfere with all the other lifelong celebrations you'll engage in forever--mother's and father's days, graduations and all the other summer and fall holidays.
Am I just putting a positive spin on winter? Perhaps, but there are advantages. You won't be disappointed if the sun isn't shining, as you won't be outside in the rain or even under a tent. A cozy room, a fire crackling---that's not such a bad idea!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Including children in your ceremony
Children are such a wonderful part of our lives. Young children (under five) are cute and sometimes add a delightful flavor to the wedding party.
However, some children are too young. I recently officiated a wedding ceremony where an 18 month old was expected to walk down the "aisle" ( a simple one in a large living room). The poor child started crying, then wailing, as the distraught mother froze and let another guest take the child in her lap. When the bride and groom entered, the baby kept screaming, so we stopped the proceedings long enough for the mother and the child to exit the room.
This was not a disaster, as this was a sweet and simple small ceremony (second marriage for the bride); however, it was traumatic for the child and, as it turned out, for the mother. Size didn't matter: humiliation can happen with only one other witness.
Advice: hold back from the urge to include children under the age of four. Six years old is a good age, but cuteness can begin to fade by then. If you must have a young child, send the Mother or Dad down the aisle holding the child's hand. Two children, preferably siblings, are also better than one. They offset each others' attack of nerves.
And then after you're married with children, you'll understand this all perfectly.
However, some children are too young. I recently officiated a wedding ceremony where an 18 month old was expected to walk down the "aisle" ( a simple one in a large living room). The poor child started crying, then wailing, as the distraught mother froze and let another guest take the child in her lap. When the bride and groom entered, the baby kept screaming, so we stopped the proceedings long enough for the mother and the child to exit the room.
This was not a disaster, as this was a sweet and simple small ceremony (second marriage for the bride); however, it was traumatic for the child and, as it turned out, for the mother. Size didn't matter: humiliation can happen with only one other witness.
Advice: hold back from the urge to include children under the age of four. Six years old is a good age, but cuteness can begin to fade by then. If you must have a young child, send the Mother or Dad down the aisle holding the child's hand. Two children, preferably siblings, are also better than one. They offset each others' attack of nerves.
And then after you're married with children, you'll understand this all perfectly.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Wedding Shoes
The one thing I most have in common with brides is that I wear very feminine sleek shoes when I perform a ceremony. AND the one thing I purchased recently, which has been a lifesaver, are flat, white ballet shoes. I had the good fortune recently to conduct a wedding just 2 miles from my home, and while the wedding party was posing for pictures, I ran home and changed shoes.
Now I bring these little flat sweet comfortable shoes everywhere I do a wedding. I know a few brides who struggle through an entire evening in their high heels. HINT: get the ballet shoes at Marshall's for as little as $20! It's a good investment and you may even wear them again.
Happy dancing.
Now I bring these little flat sweet comfortable shoes everywhere I do a wedding. I know a few brides who struggle through an entire evening in their high heels. HINT: get the ballet shoes at Marshall's for as little as $20! It's a good investment and you may even wear them again.
Happy dancing.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Bridezilla
There's lots of buzz on the proverbial bridezilla culture, with several dozens of books selling well on the subject.
What does bridezilla mean? It's something like this: a hyper-nervous, frantically demanding, perfectionist female planning and executing the details of her upcoming wedding, without good sense. Bridezilla will stop at nothing to have the PERFECT wedding day.
Is it fair to label an otherwise well-meaning woman thus? It's something like an alcoholic: not everyone who drinks too much is a drop dead boor and not every bride who occasionally goes over the top is a bridezilla, one with the dramatic characterisitics that would label her after the wedding as just another b-tchin' control freak.
My advice: if you want the perfect wedding, delegate to others---let them do the friend of bridezilla legwork. Avoid the label for yourself and become the CEO of your own special day. And, if you freak out over any detail, stop and apologize, back up and chill out. No wedding is perfect, but every wedding has its own exquisite meaning. Let yourself have it flow, no matter what happens.
What does bridezilla mean? It's something like this: a hyper-nervous, frantically demanding, perfectionist female planning and executing the details of her upcoming wedding, without good sense. Bridezilla will stop at nothing to have the PERFECT wedding day.
Is it fair to label an otherwise well-meaning woman thus? It's something like an alcoholic: not everyone who drinks too much is a drop dead boor and not every bride who occasionally goes over the top is a bridezilla, one with the dramatic characterisitics that would label her after the wedding as just another b-tchin' control freak.
My advice: if you want the perfect wedding, delegate to others---let them do the friend of bridezilla legwork. Avoid the label for yourself and become the CEO of your own special day. And, if you freak out over any detail, stop and apologize, back up and chill out. No wedding is perfect, but every wedding has its own exquisite meaning. Let yourself have it flow, no matter what happens.
Monday, July 23, 2007
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