One of the shakiest moments in many ceremonies is the slipping on of the rings after reciting the ring vows. Last Saturday evening I rehearsed a couple in exchanging their rings and they were prepared to make sure that neither would be shy about pushing the ring on.
When it came time during the actual ceremony, the groom was fine. The bride, however, who at the rehearsal seemed relaxed and focused, pushed the ring on her new husband's "right" hand. No wonder it took so long. This is not the first time I've seen this, so I've decided to instruct the opposite partner to OFFER the left hand so that there is no confusion.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Expect the Unexpected
Other than having a rain plan, expecting the unexpected is never a bad idea. What that means is going with the flow and allowing yourself to be OK, no matter what. Nothing can spoil a wedding, short of an absent bride or groom.
I recently performed a ceremony in one of the poshest hotel ballrooms in Boston. There were three hundred guests and this was a fairly long, concelebrated ceremony: first the couple took their "Western" vows and then their Hindu vows.
The Hindu ceremony was lavish and festive. The couple, the Pandit and both sets of parents sat in the Mandap ( a Hindu version of the Jewish huppah). They were sitting in a closed circle within the stunning Mandap for most of the rituals, but the Pandit (officiant) wore a lapel mic so we could hear the translation of both Sanskrit and English.
Halfway into the 40 minutes, we could hear some kind of rock music permeate the ballroom. It sounded muzak- like and one of the bridesmaids sitting in the front row sweetly tiptoed to the back of the ballrom to check this out and get it turned off. She returned within three minutes ( a long time actually) but the music didn't stop. All told, it took nearly ten minutes before the strange sounds subsided and disappeared. I found out later that it was some kind of odd frequency that was unexplainedly picked up and piped up from the hotel lobby.
The bride and groom were not happy with this, nor was the Pandit, but all kept their composure. The whole ceremony was a daring and beautiful gesture to honor both parties in this marriage. No one could have planned against this happening. So just remember, take a deep breath and it will all be fine. We all live moment to moment and fighting any moment, other than taking normal and appropriate precautions, just adds fuel to the fire.
I recently performed a ceremony in one of the poshest hotel ballrooms in Boston. There were three hundred guests and this was a fairly long, concelebrated ceremony: first the couple took their "Western" vows and then their Hindu vows.
The Hindu ceremony was lavish and festive. The couple, the Pandit and both sets of parents sat in the Mandap ( a Hindu version of the Jewish huppah). They were sitting in a closed circle within the stunning Mandap for most of the rituals, but the Pandit (officiant) wore a lapel mic so we could hear the translation of both Sanskrit and English.
Halfway into the 40 minutes, we could hear some kind of rock music permeate the ballroom. It sounded muzak- like and one of the bridesmaids sitting in the front row sweetly tiptoed to the back of the ballrom to check this out and get it turned off. She returned within three minutes ( a long time actually) but the music didn't stop. All told, it took nearly ten minutes before the strange sounds subsided and disappeared. I found out later that it was some kind of odd frequency that was unexplainedly picked up and piped up from the hotel lobby.
The bride and groom were not happy with this, nor was the Pandit, but all kept their composure. The whole ceremony was a daring and beautiful gesture to honor both parties in this marriage. No one could have planned against this happening. So just remember, take a deep breath and it will all be fine. We all live moment to moment and fighting any moment, other than taking normal and appropriate precautions, just adds fuel to the fire.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Overcrowding the ceremony space
Hello out there brides and grooms:
It's been awhile since I've posted and it feels good to speak out again. So here's some advice in case you're planning your wedding right now. Be careful of having too much clutter at the front of the ceremony space, you know, the place where you and your officiant and your wedding party stand.
Not long ago, I officiated a wedding where the bride, with all the best intentions, added just one too many decorative details than she could comfortably control if other variables entered the picture, which they did. She had planned to have her wedding outdoors (it was June, so why not?). But since it was a rainy day the event was moved into the resort's large banquet room.This happens all the time at wedding venues and it's usually accomodated by setting up the reception tables on one end and cordoning off the room with dividers of some kind.
In this case, the room was too crowded for the front of the ceremony to fit in at a safe and aesthetic distance from the guests. Caterers almost always set the front row too close to the ceremony area for my taste. I prefer a good eight to ten feet. I usually get six feet if I'm lucky. What happened here was a refusal to move the front row back. But the bride brought in a construction of something like a half gazebo, which would have worked just fine outdoors, but moved indoors was cramped. So when the bridesmaids came down the aisle, and the videographer planted himself between the end of the gazebo and the front row of guests, the bridesmaids couldn't get by to stand in their designated place. So I asked the videographer to move, he backed up, and knocked over the large glass vase of long stemmed roses that had been placed at the foot of the gazebo. Get the picture?
All of this happened before the bride got down the aisle, but when she did arrive, her bridesmaids were standing about four to five feet further away than we had rehearsed and she asked me why no one was adjusting her train. I finally elbowed the videographer into the rear of the arrangement so we could look like a choreographed wedding party.
So now having looked at all the details, it strikes me there are two places to watch out for: since venues may not be able to get the chairs far enough back for a beautiful picture perfect aesthtetic distance for the wedding party, at least get the videographer out of the way. If I could do this wedding over, I would have instructed him to stay in the center aisle to get his good shots. The second piece of advice is to the bride and/or wedding planner: use as little as possible up front. Tall vases or a very simple arch are good enough and do the job quite well.
It's been awhile since I've posted and it feels good to speak out again. So here's some advice in case you're planning your wedding right now. Be careful of having too much clutter at the front of the ceremony space, you know, the place where you and your officiant and your wedding party stand.
Not long ago, I officiated a wedding where the bride, with all the best intentions, added just one too many decorative details than she could comfortably control if other variables entered the picture, which they did. She had planned to have her wedding outdoors (it was June, so why not?). But since it was a rainy day the event was moved into the resort's large banquet room.This happens all the time at wedding venues and it's usually accomodated by setting up the reception tables on one end and cordoning off the room with dividers of some kind.
In this case, the room was too crowded for the front of the ceremony to fit in at a safe and aesthetic distance from the guests. Caterers almost always set the front row too close to the ceremony area for my taste. I prefer a good eight to ten feet. I usually get six feet if I'm lucky. What happened here was a refusal to move the front row back. But the bride brought in a construction of something like a half gazebo, which would have worked just fine outdoors, but moved indoors was cramped. So when the bridesmaids came down the aisle, and the videographer planted himself between the end of the gazebo and the front row of guests, the bridesmaids couldn't get by to stand in their designated place. So I asked the videographer to move, he backed up, and knocked over the large glass vase of long stemmed roses that had been placed at the foot of the gazebo. Get the picture?
All of this happened before the bride got down the aisle, but when she did arrive, her bridesmaids were standing about four to five feet further away than we had rehearsed and she asked me why no one was adjusting her train. I finally elbowed the videographer into the rear of the arrangement so we could look like a choreographed wedding party.
So now having looked at all the details, it strikes me there are two places to watch out for: since venues may not be able to get the chairs far enough back for a beautiful picture perfect aesthtetic distance for the wedding party, at least get the videographer out of the way. If I could do this wedding over, I would have instructed him to stay in the center aisle to get his good shots. The second piece of advice is to the bride and/or wedding planner: use as little as possible up front. Tall vases or a very simple arch are good enough and do the job quite well.
Friday, October 5, 2007
The Wedding Season
It's in the last active month in the Northeast. There are few weddings in November and even fewer in December. Of course, January through March is also extremely quiet. The exceptions are New Year's Eve and Valnetine's Day, but those are too often on weekdays and the weddings are tiny.
What is there about a winter wedding? You certainly don't have to worry about guests having other plans and missing your date. And honeymoon prices are often pretty good. Resort wedding venues offer better prices in the off-season as well. You can get a good location at 20 to 30% off in some lovely Berkshires and Cape Cod venues if you're looking to marry in Massachusetts.
So if you're budget-minded, book yourself a winter date. I'm available after Novmber 11th!
What is there about a winter wedding? You certainly don't have to worry about guests having other plans and missing your date. And honeymoon prices are often pretty good. Resort wedding venues offer better prices in the off-season as well. You can get a good location at 20 to 30% off in some lovely Berkshires and Cape Cod venues if you're looking to marry in Massachusetts.
So if you're budget-minded, book yourself a winter date. I'm available after Novmber 11th!
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Trains
No, not the ones we run to and depend on for work.
Trains are beautiful additions to the weddng processional and recessional and sometimes set up the bride in the post wedding pictures to look like a queen. But they're tricky in a wedding ceremony. Some Maids of Honor seem to forget that their job will be to adjust the train when and if the bride has almost any movement to perform in her wedding ceremony, and almost every bride does have at least one small movement to make, small but active enough to affect how her dress and train move with her.
My suggestion: at the rehearsal, ask the MOH to act out this activity, including how she handles her own bouquet while performng this task. I've never seen a train disaster, but there are awkward moments that can be avoided, just by this tiny addition to the rehearsal.
Trains are beautiful additions to the weddng processional and recessional and sometimes set up the bride in the post wedding pictures to look like a queen. But they're tricky in a wedding ceremony. Some Maids of Honor seem to forget that their job will be to adjust the train when and if the bride has almost any movement to perform in her wedding ceremony, and almost every bride does have at least one small movement to make, small but active enough to affect how her dress and train move with her.
My suggestion: at the rehearsal, ask the MOH to act out this activity, including how she handles her own bouquet while performng this task. I've never seen a train disaster, but there are awkward moments that can be avoided, just by this tiny addition to the rehearsal.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Ushers
Small weddings sometimes suggest a relaxed atmosphere. If there are fifty guests invited to sit in the outdoors, and guests come dressed in garden party comfort, they can find a seat suitable for themselves, right? At least most people know better than to take the first row, the one reserved (with or without a sign) for the couple's immediate family.
There's one problem, and one I know from years of teaching and presenting seminars: given a chance to choose their own seating, most people will fill up the back rows and scrupulously avoid the front.
I recently officiated a wedding with sixty guests invited to an exquisite outdoor setting. When the processional was about to begin and I was standing in my official spot, I saw the first five rows were virtually empty. As the bridal party was slightly delayed, I took the opportunity to announce to latecomers and to others crowded together in the last two rows that there were plenty of seats up front. By sheer luck, I was able to fill in the areas that ushers, had there been any, should have filled in.
The simple solution here is to designate any trusted young man or woman to merely guide people to the front rows. Ushers as such are not formalities to be avoided in a more casual wedding; they are necessary to set the stage for coziness and community in the ceremony itself.
There's one problem, and one I know from years of teaching and presenting seminars: given a chance to choose their own seating, most people will fill up the back rows and scrupulously avoid the front.
I recently officiated a wedding with sixty guests invited to an exquisite outdoor setting. When the processional was about to begin and I was standing in my official spot, I saw the first five rows were virtually empty. As the bridal party was slightly delayed, I took the opportunity to announce to latecomers and to others crowded together in the last two rows that there were plenty of seats up front. By sheer luck, I was able to fill in the areas that ushers, had there been any, should have filled in.
The simple solution here is to designate any trusted young man or woman to merely guide people to the front rows. Ushers as such are not formalities to be avoided in a more casual wedding; they are necessary to set the stage for coziness and community in the ceremony itself.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Other old customs
Perhaps I've lived too long in the Northeast (East Coast), but I haven't seen a bouquet thrown to eligible "maidens", nor have I seen a garter slithered off the thigh of a new bride, only to be thrown to the eligible bachelors in a very long time ( more that ten years).
Wedding receptions have come a long way. We still have the formal entrnce of the couple and even their wedding party and parents, and many do this aspect with flourish and imagination. Last summer I watched a couple I had just married enter their reception in Red Sox regalia. Another baseball couple this year hired the official game announcer at Fenway Park to trumpet their entance.
But the first dance used to be just a dance. Today couples take salsa, samba, or minuet lessons, or stop just shy of outright gymnastics to kick off a reception with more fun than sobriety. And customs have crossovers as well. I am officiating a ceremony later this year where a Christian bride is planning to stand beneath the traditional Jewish chuppah.
I guess this is a sign of one world, and I think it's great.
Wedding receptions have come a long way. We still have the formal entrnce of the couple and even their wedding party and parents, and many do this aspect with flourish and imagination. Last summer I watched a couple I had just married enter their reception in Red Sox regalia. Another baseball couple this year hired the official game announcer at Fenway Park to trumpet their entance.
But the first dance used to be just a dance. Today couples take salsa, samba, or minuet lessons, or stop just shy of outright gymnastics to kick off a reception with more fun than sobriety. And customs have crossovers as well. I am officiating a ceremony later this year where a Christian bride is planning to stand beneath the traditional Jewish chuppah.
I guess this is a sign of one world, and I think it's great.
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