One thing for sure, people do not stop getting married in a recession. But what I can't predict right now is how big and fancy the weddings will be. Some of the couples I meet are having slightly grand affairs, but grand for me is not the Pierre Hotel in Manhattan.
My prices don't vary much with the economy since they are fairly standard for the service I provide. Cost cutting seems to be in the catering area and perhaps the videographers are losing some business. I've spoken with couples who will use a family member to capture those moments.
However, there are a few brides I've met recently who are having only the Maid of Honor and Best Man, no other bridal party. This is a cost cutter, especially for the would be bridesmaids and groomsmen.
My own wedding cost $2000 and included 60 guests in an outdoor setting of a home we were already renting for the summer. We had bagels and cold cuts to eat, champagne and wine and beer and a carrot wedding cake with white roses atop (real ones you don't eat). That was in the days when people didn't splurge as much. We had no professional photographer since we had so many talented artsy friends who took the pictures and sent them to us. My dress was an antique from 1910 purchased for $50 from a shop on Amsterdam Avenue on the Upper West Side of New York.
But enough of reminiscence. The jury is out on wedding costs for 2009. I'll report on this later, but honestly, I don't ask people their entire budget. I can tell by other signals and this should be an interesting year.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Writing Your Own Vows
I did a wedding last evening that really inspired me to encourage my couples to write their own vows. These were young, shy people, who wrote absolutely gorgeously of their love for one another. In my letter back to them today (I send my couples a keepsake of their ceremony script), I told them how we the listeners, those of us witnessing their wedding, longed to hear authentic love spoken and articulated. I even said: "We're hungry for it."
So those of you out there who are shy about your writing ability, I say: Yes, you can do it. Be authentic and it will melt your lover's heart and lift your guests to the ceiling. I'm still flying.
So those of you out there who are shy about your writing ability, I say: Yes, you can do it. Be authentic and it will melt your lover's heart and lift your guests to the ceiling. I'm still flying.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Vows with a punch
I have performed perhaps my sixtieth wedding a few hours ago, but this time I witnessed the saying of vows with more punch, more uninhibited respect than I've ever heard said anywhere. Shannon and Russ are a couple who call themselves soul-mates. I've heard this before from a few other couples, but there are elements of this couple's story that speaks to a destiny that may have originated in a past life (or two).
These two were robust in their vows, direct, excited and committed from the bottom of their feet to the tops of their heads to make the meaning come through and let the world know this is for them as real as real will ever get. I have a theatre background and I've played the role of Juliet and seen the Shakespearean play many times. I've always heard the famous words resound with a piercing force only Shakespeare could give young lovers: "It is the east and Juliet is the sun!"
Shannon and Russ are hardly children (like the young teens in Romeo and Juliet) and they've been together four years already. But their passion for the vows was unlike any I've heard. For these two were not afraid to speak from the deepest corners of their souls and to let the world quake with the energy of their inner life. Both of them crying and deeply moved by the import of their moment, they pushed past their quavering nerves and free-flowing tears and made the vows memorable. What an extraordinary privilege to witness their marriage.
These two were robust in their vows, direct, excited and committed from the bottom of their feet to the tops of their heads to make the meaning come through and let the world know this is for them as real as real will ever get. I have a theatre background and I've played the role of Juliet and seen the Shakespearean play many times. I've always heard the famous words resound with a piercing force only Shakespeare could give young lovers: "It is the east and Juliet is the sun!"
Shannon and Russ are hardly children (like the young teens in Romeo and Juliet) and they've been together four years already. But their passion for the vows was unlike any I've heard. For these two were not afraid to speak from the deepest corners of their souls and to let the world quake with the energy of their inner life. Both of them crying and deeply moved by the import of their moment, they pushed past their quavering nerves and free-flowing tears and made the vows memorable. What an extraordinary privilege to witness their marriage.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Notes from The Celebrant Foundation
Say “I Do” To A Personalized Wedding Ceremony
Your wedding day is one of the most personal and cherished days of your life. Your wedding ceremony itself should be just as personal. Every aspect of it, from readings to music to symbolism, should be a reflection of you, your betrothed, and the bond that you share.
“To make this day truly your own, rejoice in everything that makes your union unique,” says Charlotte Eulette, National Director, Celebrant USA Foundation. “Express yourself among family and friends through a personalized ceremony.”
Here are several ways from the Celebrant USA Foundation to make your ceremony unique to you:
Tell your personal story: Share the story of how you met and why you fell in love. What were the first words you said to each other? Where was your first date? How did the proposal happen? What actions of the other say I love you? What does your partner do that always makes you laugh? Your Celebrant can include these words in the introduction or elsewhere in the ceremony.
Interview your family and friends: Include their anecdotes, wishes and advice in the body of the ceremony.
Honor the Presenter: If one or both of you will be presented in marriage, take this time to reflect on what this relationship means to you. Have your Celebrant include words of homage, amusing stories, and thanks.
Beyond “Here Comes the Bride”: If the traditional wedding music doesn’t appeal to you, include songs or music that have created the soundtrack to your relationship.
Celebrate Your Heritage: Make a list of your respective ethnic, cultural or religious backgrounds. Research wedding rituals, poets and music from these traditions and create a distinctive blend of words and symbols. Honor both your backgrounds and the ceremony will reflect your unique partnership.
Something New: Borrow freely from the rich wedding customs around the world. You don’t need to belong to a particular culture or religion for its rituals to have meaning. Such rituals have been performed for hundreds or thousands of years because they resonate with universal truths about marriage.
The Celebrant USA Foundation is a non-profit educational institution dedicated to helping families personalize celebrations that mark life’s milestones. Founded thirty years ago in Australia, Celebrants have performed over one million weddings worldwide.
Celebrants officiate at virtually every life event, including weddings and commitments, funerals and memorials, and baby namings and adoptions. With a focus on personalizing each ceremony to reflect the needs, beliefs and values of the couple or family, Celebrants are trained in the art of celebration, symbolism and tradition. For more information about the Celebrant Foundation or to locate a Celebrant near you, visit us at www.celebrantusa.com
Celebrant USA Foundation & Institute 93 Valley Rd Montclair, NJ 07042 973.746.1792
Your wedding day is one of the most personal and cherished days of your life. Your wedding ceremony itself should be just as personal. Every aspect of it, from readings to music to symbolism, should be a reflection of you, your betrothed, and the bond that you share.
“To make this day truly your own, rejoice in everything that makes your union unique,” says Charlotte Eulette, National Director, Celebrant USA Foundation. “Express yourself among family and friends through a personalized ceremony.”
Here are several ways from the Celebrant USA Foundation to make your ceremony unique to you:
Tell your personal story: Share the story of how you met and why you fell in love. What were the first words you said to each other? Where was your first date? How did the proposal happen? What actions of the other say I love you? What does your partner do that always makes you laugh? Your Celebrant can include these words in the introduction or elsewhere in the ceremony.
Interview your family and friends: Include their anecdotes, wishes and advice in the body of the ceremony.
Honor the Presenter: If one or both of you will be presented in marriage, take this time to reflect on what this relationship means to you. Have your Celebrant include words of homage, amusing stories, and thanks.
Beyond “Here Comes the Bride”: If the traditional wedding music doesn’t appeal to you, include songs or music that have created the soundtrack to your relationship.
Celebrate Your Heritage: Make a list of your respective ethnic, cultural or religious backgrounds. Research wedding rituals, poets and music from these traditions and create a distinctive blend of words and symbols. Honor both your backgrounds and the ceremony will reflect your unique partnership.
Something New: Borrow freely from the rich wedding customs around the world. You don’t need to belong to a particular culture or religion for its rituals to have meaning. Such rituals have been performed for hundreds or thousands of years because they resonate with universal truths about marriage.
The Celebrant USA Foundation is a non-profit educational institution dedicated to helping families personalize celebrations that mark life’s milestones. Founded thirty years ago in Australia, Celebrants have performed over one million weddings worldwide.
Celebrants officiate at virtually every life event, including weddings and commitments, funerals and memorials, and baby namings and adoptions. With a focus on personalizing each ceremony to reflect the needs, beliefs and values of the couple or family, Celebrants are trained in the art of celebration, symbolism and tradition. For more information about the Celebrant Foundation or to locate a Celebrant near you, visit us at www.celebrantusa.com
Celebrant USA Foundation & Institute 93 Valley Rd Montclair, NJ 07042 973.746.1792
Monday, August 11, 2008
Kill the Runner
OK, I've finally had it. Runners are OUT! I haven't seen one really successful runner happen in any wedding in the past dozen or more. Why?
Let's start with the obvious: in the outdoors weddings there is usually uneven ground and runners can slip much more easily than stay in place. And a runner that slips is a hazard to the bride. And NO ONE has the right to put the bride in such a condition on her one and only wedding day!!
They even slip in chapels. The one successful runner happened this summer when it was rolled out BEFORE even the guests were seated and then the whiteness was marred because they all got their footprints on it! But, because it was rolled out and anchored into place before the ceremony when there was time to get it correctly placed, it worked!! The royal pastiche of daintiness to have the "queenly dainty foot" step on nothing but pure white linen is a habit we should dispose of. It doesn't work.
Let's start with the obvious: in the outdoors weddings there is usually uneven ground and runners can slip much more easily than stay in place. And a runner that slips is a hazard to the bride. And NO ONE has the right to put the bride in such a condition on her one and only wedding day!!
They even slip in chapels. The one successful runner happened this summer when it was rolled out BEFORE even the guests were seated and then the whiteness was marred because they all got their footprints on it! But, because it was rolled out and anchored into place before the ceremony when there was time to get it correctly placed, it worked!! The royal pastiche of daintiness to have the "queenly dainty foot" step on nothing but pure white linen is a habit we should dispose of. It doesn't work.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Cancelled Wedding
I recently heard from a bride whose wedding was scheduled for the early fall. I was to be their officiant and she notified me the wedding has been cancelled. The young woman apologized and said very little else, but I was moved to respond. I remember her as lovely (as was the groom-to-be). They looked like they were made to be together, a picture perfect look of compatibility.
I emailed back how I wished her well and let her know how brave and wise she is to take this action now. I know many who have known they shouldn't marry months ahead or weeks ahead, but went ahead anyway. All are divorced today. She and he must be in extraordinary pain, the kind we feel when we somehow assume we've let everyone down.
Weddings are for ourselves and for others. But marriage is not for others. The family and friends don't go home with us to our households, to our kitchens and bedrooms, to our bank accounts and our dreams and our longings and our anger, sadness, and deepest longings for true intimacy. We only know the truth of what we feel can work well very deeply inside us and we must feel that strongly in the midst of being tested. And the weeks and months leading up to a wedding are a test in itself.
So this sadness, this loss, this disappointment will pass. These two will be better off and they deserve the best their courage can provide them.
I emailed back how I wished her well and let her know how brave and wise she is to take this action now. I know many who have known they shouldn't marry months ahead or weeks ahead, but went ahead anyway. All are divorced today. She and he must be in extraordinary pain, the kind we feel when we somehow assume we've let everyone down.
Weddings are for ourselves and for others. But marriage is not for others. The family and friends don't go home with us to our households, to our kitchens and bedrooms, to our bank accounts and our dreams and our longings and our anger, sadness, and deepest longings for true intimacy. We only know the truth of what we feel can work well very deeply inside us and we must feel that strongly in the midst of being tested. And the weeks and months leading up to a wedding are a test in itself.
So this sadness, this loss, this disappointment will pass. These two will be better off and they deserve the best their courage can provide them.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
July, Oh July
No excuses for not writing. Well, the wedding season is busy this year, but that's no excuse for shying away from my thousands of readers!!
I've had some interesting weddings recently and I must say summer is beginning to look less and less than ideal for outdoor ceremonies, especially in July. It used to be that I always asked for a really good back up plan against potential rain, and any good venue had it ready to go. But two weddings I did recently had to go indoors for humidity and sun, but no rain.
Now it's silly to discourage people from planning summer weddings, especially in the Northeast. Unlike Phoenix and Sarasota, we can't do outdoor weddings (comfortably) in February. But humidity and oppressive heat are part of the picture that must be considered. I suppose it comes down to how we hold this short twenty minute ceremony in priority. Make no mistake, for me those twenty minutes are everything! It's not a formality to endure on your way to the cocktail party. It's the actual words and actions that set your life on a course forever (we intend it that way, anyway).
I believe in comfort for the guests and since the 1950s when we had "air cooled" movie theatres, air conditioning in July is a God send. September and October weddings in the greater Boston area are very popular, so book it now for 2009 and keep it autumnal for comfort's sake.
I've had some interesting weddings recently and I must say summer is beginning to look less and less than ideal for outdoor ceremonies, especially in July. It used to be that I always asked for a really good back up plan against potential rain, and any good venue had it ready to go. But two weddings I did recently had to go indoors for humidity and sun, but no rain.
Now it's silly to discourage people from planning summer weddings, especially in the Northeast. Unlike Phoenix and Sarasota, we can't do outdoor weddings (comfortably) in February. But humidity and oppressive heat are part of the picture that must be considered. I suppose it comes down to how we hold this short twenty minute ceremony in priority. Make no mistake, for me those twenty minutes are everything! It's not a formality to endure on your way to the cocktail party. It's the actual words and actions that set your life on a course forever (we intend it that way, anyway).
I believe in comfort for the guests and since the 1950s when we had "air cooled" movie theatres, air conditioning in July is a God send. September and October weddings in the greater Boston area are very popular, so book it now for 2009 and keep it autumnal for comfort's sake.
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