Yes. That's what it means to plan a wedding.
Most brides do their own planning and organizing and many do it without the help of a dedicated mother or sister. Some whom I meet have an amazing self-assurance, as if they have known what they want, including many of the details, for years before they became engaged.
Others are in a free fall (I was many years ago). They summon up the courage to make decisions in the face of uncertainty and they do a fine job, in spite of the temporary fear. When I ask couples what is their vision for their ceremony, they often draw a blank. The second question--what is it you don't want?---is much easier to answer. A vision sounds too big to articulate. Deciding on favors and food is discreet and direct: it tastes good or it doesn't; it looks good on a table or it doesn't.
There's one thing that planning a wedding without having had experience will teach you. If you think you have no direct road map for this extraordinary and once-in-a-lifetime event, just wait till you have your first baby. Then you're flying!!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Fun During Your Ceremony
Everyone has a definition of fun, and while everyone likes to laugh, some of us push the edges of fun beyond the comfort level of others. I have never been pushed into un-fun fun. As a nondenominational wedding officiant, I have an open point of view for brides and grooms who want a "light-hearted" ceremony. The hallmark of my scripted weddings is the love story, custom written and delivered at the top of the twenty-minute time frame. I often find the funny things a couple tells me and poke fun at the foibles of falling in love.
Every wedding season, among the two dozen ceremonies I perform, I find a couple or two who are die-hard Red Sox fans and want to include a theme around their beloved team. I was interviewed for a wedding three years ago for a couple who wanted to have the game playing in the background on an over sized flat screen TV. They didn't hire me and I'm glad. Another couple last year called last minute as they were trying to secure Fenway Park for an 11 AM pre-grame wedding, but they couldn't get the permit. They didn't hire me and I was disappointed.
What is there about the Red Sox that inspires so many otherwise sane people to include them in their wedding ceremonies? For me it's this: when life is getting me down, I tune in to NECN and cheer for my "boys". It takes my attention away from whatever is grabbing me and throws my energy into the roar of the crowd and the skill of the players. I think there is a parallel to being in love: it's not easy to maintain a loving relationship (falling in love is not so hard). Belonging to Red Sox Nation is a tribal identity, one that takes you both to the same place: enthusiasm, reconciliation, and alignment. I have always marveled at couples who support the Yankees and Red Sox. These are people who know how to compromise!
Every wedding season, among the two dozen ceremonies I perform, I find a couple or two who are die-hard Red Sox fans and want to include a theme around their beloved team. I was interviewed for a wedding three years ago for a couple who wanted to have the game playing in the background on an over sized flat screen TV. They didn't hire me and I'm glad. Another couple last year called last minute as they were trying to secure Fenway Park for an 11 AM pre-grame wedding, but they couldn't get the permit. They didn't hire me and I was disappointed.
What is there about the Red Sox that inspires so many otherwise sane people to include them in their wedding ceremonies? For me it's this: when life is getting me down, I tune in to NECN and cheer for my "boys". It takes my attention away from whatever is grabbing me and throws my energy into the roar of the crowd and the skill of the players. I think there is a parallel to being in love: it's not easy to maintain a loving relationship (falling in love is not so hard). Belonging to Red Sox Nation is a tribal identity, one that takes you both to the same place: enthusiasm, reconciliation, and alignment. I have always marveled at couples who support the Yankees and Red Sox. These are people who know how to compromise!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Outdoor weddings and rain
I posted on this before, but it's worth a second look. About a year ago, I officiated a wedding in Cape Cod, set in a country club with magnificent ocean views. We all arrived the day before and rehearsed about 24 hours ahead of the scheduled event. The rehearsal evening was cool and grey and the forecast for Saturday was ambiguous: maybe a sprinkle but cloudy and grey and no warmer than 52-54 degrees. The bride decided right then and there: rehearse indoors and close the option for the outdoors, short of a miracle.
The next day, it was 52 degrees, misty and grey and the wedding indoors was exquisite.
Why do I tell you this? For those of you planning park weddings out in the open air, separate from your reception (not on the same grounds where you can conveniently move your wedding indoors within one hundred feet), allow yourself to call the shots on the rehearsal day, rather than make last minute decisions on the wedding day itself, without a careful rehearsal for the reception room. Some months later, I officiated another ceremony planned for a lovely park view. The rehearsal day scenario was exactly the same as the Cape Cod wedding, but the bride could not be convinced to move the rehearsal to the reception area. The wedding day weather was too cool and wet and the venue was changed to the reception hall some four miles away, and three hours before the wedding.
The bride was so disappointed, she could not relax enough to follow rather simple instructions on how to adjust to the ceremony in the hall. The heart of the ceremony was still intimate, with all the right things happening after we got past the processional, but why sacrifice any part of a necessarily well-choreographed event, one requiring precision, especially when not performed in a church?
If the weather report is even bordering on bad for the wedding day, do the rehearsal in the alternative venue. Every bride deserves to be at peace and relaxed on her wedding day. Disappointment should not an option.
The next day, it was 52 degrees, misty and grey and the wedding indoors was exquisite.
Why do I tell you this? For those of you planning park weddings out in the open air, separate from your reception (not on the same grounds where you can conveniently move your wedding indoors within one hundred feet), allow yourself to call the shots on the rehearsal day, rather than make last minute decisions on the wedding day itself, without a careful rehearsal for the reception room. Some months later, I officiated another ceremony planned for a lovely park view. The rehearsal day scenario was exactly the same as the Cape Cod wedding, but the bride could not be convinced to move the rehearsal to the reception area. The wedding day weather was too cool and wet and the venue was changed to the reception hall some four miles away, and three hours before the wedding.
The bride was so disappointed, she could not relax enough to follow rather simple instructions on how to adjust to the ceremony in the hall. The heart of the ceremony was still intimate, with all the right things happening after we got past the processional, but why sacrifice any part of a necessarily well-choreographed event, one requiring precision, especially when not performed in a church?
If the weather report is even bordering on bad for the wedding day, do the rehearsal in the alternative venue. Every bride deserves to be at peace and relaxed on her wedding day. Disappointment should not an option.
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