Friday, April 17, 2009

Same Sex Marriage

I am convinced that this will be remembered in history as a civil rights issue that was finally won in a federal overturning of the DOMA law around 2020. Once Iowa joined the great Commonwealth of Massachusetts, and then Vermont joined in by a legislature vote, the momentum arrived for the voice of the people of all sexual orientations to speak up.

As a former educator in a university, I had the task of reading hundreds of student essays on civil rights and marginalization. It was an eye opener. One year I had my students choose their focus on any civil rights issue. We had been reading James Baldwin and MLK, but their essays could address any related subject relevant to them. Perhaps 20% of them wrote about gay equality. And these were probably straight young adults. (I don't ask nor do I care what orientation people have). There was one openly gay student and he wrote about something else.

It was then I knew that the millennial generation has no issue around this civil right.

I conduct same sex marriage ceremonies (about 10-15% of all my weddings) and they are an honor to perform, and it all started with moving to Massachusetts in 2005. I look forward to more states coming on board (go new York!). The sky hasn't fallen in the Commonwealth here, and it won't fall anywhere else.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

The Authentic Ceremony

Why is authenticity so important in a wedding? Romance is what we all enjoy, reading about it, watching it in film and on TV and celebrating it in a wedding. But romance comes long before commitment and it's choosing another, committing to another that makes the wedding authentic (and does the same for the marriage itself). Romance is the trigger and commitment makes us adults. And the words we use make all the difference.

I officiated a wedding this afternoon for a couple who wrote lengthy tributes about each other (which I edited for reading at the ceremony) and neither of them saw nor read what the other had said. They heard each other's tribute simultaneously with their guests. Everyone was moved by their words, by the truthful, humorous and clearly wise observations they each had of the other.

They found vows as well that were specific to their own commitment, beautiful, frank and not your everyday wedding vows.

I believe that a wedding ceremony can re-ignite the rich experience of what love is to everyone you invite. The more inclusive we are in our love and in our sharing its full and practical picture, the more we open ourselves to our friends and family. If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes the same village to embrace and support a marriage. The words we say on our wedding day are our promises to keep. Words matter.