Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Wedding music

No question, wedding music is a must. But most important is to remember to keep it simple.

Suggested live forums: violin, harp, flute. This also works just fine with CDs.

Not suggested: opera singers at varying points in the ceremony. I officiated a wedding last year that had an exquisite singer featured. On paper this sounded like a good idea, but in fact this was an unusually warm September morning and the guests were outdoors, facing directly into the sun. The wedding party, including me, were in the gazebo and comfortably in the shade.

The singing was not short and sweet, and not in a rhythm that blended with the flow of the wedding readings and vows. Each peace was sung in toto, a "feature" worthy of pause. However, this threw attention over to the singer and away from the couple. And the guests were baking (and sweating) in the direct sun. Of course, everyone praised the singer, but why were we there? The problem was not this artist's skills or sensibilities; he is a gifted musician. Had the couple asked the singer for thirty seconds, rather than three and a half minutes, it would have complimented the "flow". Flow is essential to a successful ceremony, especially in the outdoors where you can't control the weather.

I have lots more to say about this, but we'll leave it here for now. Most people can't afford or don't even know a gifted opera singer, but even CD music can be overdone. More later.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Winter Wedding

I recently interviewed with a bride whose wedding is February 1. Brave or crazy? We live in the cold and snowy Northeast--this wedding is in western Massachusetts.

Aside for whatever reasons this date works well for the couple themselves, what advantage does a winter wedding have for everyone else involved?

One: it's much less expensive to book a destination wedding in the off-season. You save on your wedding investment and your guests get the best rates possible (unless your destination is Florida or the Caribbean). Two: winter in the Northeast is a low period for most of us---we start to feel the SAD symptoms---seasonal affective disorder--- around the first of February. Weddings are a huge mood lift, a way to connect to love and friendship and forget about the need to bundle up and close down on life.Third: your anniversary will always be the exceptional offbeat date and won't interfere with all the other lifelong celebrations you'll engage in forever--mother's and father's days, graduations and all the other summer and fall holidays.

Am I just putting a positive spin on winter? Perhaps, but there are advantages. You won't be disappointed if the sun isn't shining, as you won't be outside in the rain or even under a tent. A cozy room, a fire crackling---that's not such a bad idea!

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Including children in your ceremony

Children are such a wonderful part of our lives. Young children (under five) are cute and sometimes add a delightful flavor to the wedding party.

However, some children are too young. I recently officiated a wedding ceremony where an 18 month old was expected to walk down the "aisle" ( a simple one in a large living room). The poor child started crying, then wailing, as the distraught mother froze and let another guest take the child in her lap. When the bride and groom entered, the baby kept screaming, so we stopped the proceedings long enough for the mother and the child to exit the room.

This was not a disaster, as this was a sweet and simple small ceremony (second marriage for the bride); however, it was traumatic for the child and, as it turned out, for the mother. Size didn't matter: humiliation can happen with only one other witness.

Advice: hold back from the urge to include children under the age of four. Six years old is a good age, but cuteness can begin to fade by then. If you must have a young child, send the Mother or Dad down the aisle holding the child's hand. Two children, preferably siblings, are also better than one. They offset each others' attack of nerves.

And then after you're married with children, you'll understand this all perfectly.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Wedding Shoes

The one thing I most have in common with brides is that I wear very feminine sleek shoes when I perform a ceremony. AND the one thing I purchased recently, which has been a lifesaver, are flat, white ballet shoes. I had the good fortune recently to conduct a wedding just 2 miles from my home, and while the wedding party was posing for pictures, I ran home and changed shoes.

Now I bring these little flat sweet comfortable shoes everywhere I do a wedding. I know a few brides who struggle through an entire evening in their high heels. HINT: get the ballet shoes at Marshall's for as little as $20! It's a good investment and you may even wear them again.

Happy dancing.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Bridezilla

There's lots of buzz on the proverbial bridezilla culture, with several dozens of books selling well on the subject.

What does bridezilla mean? It's something like this: a hyper-nervous, frantically demanding, perfectionist female planning and executing the details of her upcoming wedding, without good sense. Bridezilla will stop at nothing to have the PERFECT wedding day.

Is it fair to label an otherwise well-meaning woman thus? It's something like an alcoholic: not everyone who drinks too much is a drop dead boor and not every bride who occasionally goes over the top is a bridezilla, one with the dramatic characterisitics that would label her after the wedding as just another b-tchin' control freak.

My advice: if you want the perfect wedding, delegate to others---let them do the friend of bridezilla legwork. Avoid the label for yourself and become the CEO of your own special day. And, if you freak out over any detail, stop and apologize, back up and chill out. No wedding is perfect, but every wedding has its own exquisite meaning. Let yourself have it flow, no matter what happens.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Late July and the livin is easy

Believe it or not, there are more fall weddings on my schedue than even summer. The Northeast has better outdoor weather in the early fall, so most officiants have weddings booked for both weekend days through September and October.

That said, this summer has been very good for outdoor ceremonies. Today, July 22 in New Hampshire, is a perfect summer day and for all you wedding couples out there in the Northeast, you're blessed if you're doing your ceremony outdoors on this weekend.

My one tiny drop of advice (a repeat from a few posts ago, but it bears repeating) is to do your ceremony with a portable wireless microphone. Sound disappears outdoors and your guests deserve (and desire) to hear your words. If you're shy about this, at least your Officiant will be heard and the glorious vows and other blessings will reach appreciative ears.

Bye for now.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Why Do We Marry?

I've spoken with couples who tell me they're perfectly happy just living together, but after a few years they wanted to marry. Now, you conclude, I assume, they wanted to have children. No! Why people marry is complex and I have little time here to fully explore the topic. But I'll say this much: we marry to puncutate the sentence; we marry to illuminate the picture; we marry to send the message that this is real.

We marry to make an intimate trust a public decree and let the world know we are committed. We marry because institutional signature matters, and this is why the legal authority for same sex couples to marry in Massachusetts matters. Whatever our sexual orientation, we marry because the power of two, recognized fully in the community, is a foundation of strength to ourselves and to others.

We never marry merely because we love another; we marry because our love has power. And the power of love moves mountains.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Don't Cry Over Spilled Rain

So many summer weddings are planned for the outdoors (September and October in the Northeast are big outdoor targets as well). No one does the outdoors without a sensible contingency, but I've worked with several brides who let the rain "get them down".

My advice: visualize a spectacular kind of intimacy by having your ceremony indoors, so that the aesthetic of outdoors doesn't become the absolute of your vision. Think this will disappoint you if it's a sunny day? No way! Everybody loves and welcomes the sun, but having to deal with any shred of disappointment on your special day is a burden you don't need to carry.

Bottom line: your inner peace manifests more beauty and serenity than any makeover will ever provide. Have it both ways in your mind and then let yourself enjoy your own day, no matter what mother nature does.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Love Stories

Those of you who make it to the altar this year should have something to tell that may not have been heard before, even among your closest friends.

Part of my service for couples is to write their love story into the ceremony. What may surprise you is how many happy about- to- be newlyweds have met online. Some of the best love stories I hear start with match.com, eHarmony (or any one of dozens of good sites) and proceed to long emails, endless phone calls, quiet first dates and perfect matches.

Do you have a good love story to tell? Send it to me via ellyjackson@bostonceremonies.com. I'd love to hear from you and post it here.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

My winter photo

Small Weddings

Why do a small wedding? Isn't it better to just save all that money? Even small, very low budget weddings (under 50 guests)can run you well over $10,000.

Most couples tell me that they spent the money (or had the parents spend it) to create memories, to have a special "marker" of one day that will never be repeated.

I see it this way: once you choose to do it, you are committed. There are cost overrruns, like last minute extra flower/extra hors d'oeuvres decisions that suddenly add another $500 to your budget. But it all fades quickly as you let go the closer you get to the big day.

If you want to keep it low budget, start by listing your priorities. If you (the bride) know how beautiful you are, even in a vintage dress under $300, save yourself the added expense of a designer gown that you'll never wear again. I have more tips, but I'll post them as we go. Let me know your cost-cutting ideas.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Great Photography


I just visited Craig Molway's website and is he GOOD! He photographed Kim and Rob's wedding in Cape Cod on April 28th (one of my favorite weddings this year) and the pictures will knock you out. I highly recommend him. He gets informal, unposed shots worthy of the finest showcases.

Weddings are meant to be intimate, even the big ones!

I have a wedding coming up in Rhode Island in early September, with 300 guests invited. My bride- to- be told me she wants an intimate feeling, but isn't sure how we'll pull this off.

Well, it can be done. To create intimacy the first thing we'll do is position Christine and Eric to face outward towards their guests, rather than face me (their officiant) with their backs facing their 300 loved ones.

Then we will have the entire ceremony "miked": This takes the words and nuances of the ceremony and allows everyone to hear, a remarkable concept that brings tears and laughter to every wedding.

This is a snippet of advice on intimacy, no matter the size of your wedding. Stay tuned. I'll have more when I meet with Christine and Eric again.