Blogging presents a dilemma for me. I have read the blogs of other officiants, some of whom I know and respect personally, and I see an orientation towards marketing oneself. Some do this in a balanced way, slipping in advice (tips) and other similar material, but either touting specific clients or selling themselves, and not necessarily dealing with some of the larger issues.
Perhaps it comes from a long career in process practices (setting in motion personal development activities ending in achievement of clarity or generating motivation---as a career counselor, or direct intervention in completing objectives---as a writing educator).
So I like to discuss at length the do's and don'ts of wedding ceremonies. Discuss is not what's happening here yet, as I have no comments to date, but that will come as I learn how to gain visibility through advertising or other means. In any event, that's my dilemma: opening up the subject of wedding ceremony, which may be too immediate and not worthy of a blog discussion or may be more compelling than I know. I'm seeking to make the connection and for now I assume it will come with persistence.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Saturday, January 5, 2008
The TFM
When I was in training as a Celebrant, they told us to remind every bride, when finishing her plans for her special day, to include a TFM--Trusted Family Member. This is the person who is looking out for YOU and for all the tiny, sometimes petty details that will make a big difference to the flow of your day and to the flawless ceremony you want.
What does the TFM do? S(he) has everyone's cell phone number and calls potential latecomers to the rehearsal. She has the extra matches (tapered) for your Unity Candle and whips them out if the caterer or wedding venue falls short. She meets the delivery truck with your outdoor chairs in the town park one hour before the wedding and she tells them how to set them up (they don't necessarily think about which way the sun will set, or where on the gazebo you will stand and how far away from the steps to place the guests. She will place the single roses in the men's lapels and calm the ring bearer and flower girl long before they have a chance to fall apart.
Some of this job can be done by a wedding planner; some is best done by a close family member. Often this is the bride's mother, but not always. The overbearing mother could do more harm than good. Just remember, a good TFM is priceless. I have stepped in to this role several times and I don't mind, even though I'm limited because of my obvious other role, but if it's all decided ahead of time and there's one previously designated person, it's a big pain reliever. It's just three letters: TFM. Memorize that.
What does the TFM do? S(he) has everyone's cell phone number and calls potential latecomers to the rehearsal. She has the extra matches (tapered) for your Unity Candle and whips them out if the caterer or wedding venue falls short. She meets the delivery truck with your outdoor chairs in the town park one hour before the wedding and she tells them how to set them up (they don't necessarily think about which way the sun will set, or where on the gazebo you will stand and how far away from the steps to place the guests. She will place the single roses in the men's lapels and calm the ring bearer and flower girl long before they have a chance to fall apart.
Some of this job can be done by a wedding planner; some is best done by a close family member. Often this is the bride's mother, but not always. The overbearing mother could do more harm than good. Just remember, a good TFM is priceless. I have stepped in to this role several times and I don't mind, even though I'm limited because of my obvious other role, but if it's all decided ahead of time and there's one previously designated person, it's a big pain reliever. It's just three letters: TFM. Memorize that.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Lighting Your Ceremony
Nothing pleases a photographer or videographer more than good lighting for the ceremony as well as for the reception. This is tricky for brides and grooms since churches have their own set-up (usually pretty good) . Hotel and other venues have a different set of problems.
Bottom line is this: to have the mood lighting that makes a difference to your guests' enjoyment, as well as to your photos, include several large candles on three foot pedestals or better yet, bring in several torchieres. Your guests want to see the ceremony, your faces when they can, and even the officiant's face, as this will tell them what's going on with you as well.
The wedding ceremony is an ancient tradition, but that doesn't make it something to take for granted. It's these words, this expression of your commitment, this day and time and you're the ones to make it matter to yourselves and everyone else. Light it up or down, but make sure everything is visible.
I did a wedding a few months ago in an old museum, and the bride and groom wanted badly to be on the staircase landing with the sun setting through the back window right behind them. Trouble was that the sunset in November didn't illuminate us and it was the groom's father who suggested we come down to the bottom of the staircase to be seen. The chandelier in the great room lit us perfectly and we were seen and heard by all. But it takes a watchful eye and caring person to speak up and let the wedding party know they can't be seen. Remember to ask someone to do this for you at the rehearsal, especially if your rehearsal is at the same hour as the wedding (highly recommended).
Bottom line is this: to have the mood lighting that makes a difference to your guests' enjoyment, as well as to your photos, include several large candles on three foot pedestals or better yet, bring in several torchieres. Your guests want to see the ceremony, your faces when they can, and even the officiant's face, as this will tell them what's going on with you as well.
The wedding ceremony is an ancient tradition, but that doesn't make it something to take for granted. It's these words, this expression of your commitment, this day and time and you're the ones to make it matter to yourselves and everyone else. Light it up or down, but make sure everything is visible.
I did a wedding a few months ago in an old museum, and the bride and groom wanted badly to be on the staircase landing with the sun setting through the back window right behind them. Trouble was that the sunset in November didn't illuminate us and it was the groom's father who suggested we come down to the bottom of the staircase to be seen. The chandelier in the great room lit us perfectly and we were seen and heard by all. But it takes a watchful eye and caring person to speak up and let the wedding party know they can't be seen. Remember to ask someone to do this for you at the rehearsal, especially if your rehearsal is at the same hour as the wedding (highly recommended).
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