Guest favors

For many years, it has been tradition for couples to leave a favor, a memento on the reception tables for each guest ( or guest couple) to take home. I occasionally stay for receptions and have been the recipient of a variety of interesting small items. One of my favorites was a CD of romantic songs taken from the classic swing sounds of the 30s, 40s and 50s. The groom selected the songs and did the entire mix and then had it duplicated. I still play it with enthusiasm when I drive long distances.

Other mementos include small bags for selecting from a cornucopia of candies laid out movie- concession style as one exits the reception. Another is a small booklet of photos of the couple through their courtship, sometimes showing each of them back to the toddler years.

The trend that shows up in perhaps 10 to 20% of weddings is a beautifully printed note from the couple that they have made a contribution to a favorite charity on behalf of their guests. This ordinarily includes a full explanation of what this charity does and its specific importance to the couple.

So what's the right thing to do? First of all, if you are more inclined to make your memento personal, go ahead. On the other hand, if you're inclined to make a statement by giving to a charity on behalf of your guests, don't be embarrassed to do that, either. No one, other than a five year old, is expecting a guest favor. Personally, I'm happy enough to receive a seating table number. Everything else is icing on the cake.

There is even a third alternative: you may do both! If the personal favor is so costly that the charitable contribution would be too small to have any meaning, then you have to choose. The only caveat for the charity is that it's best if your choice is non-political (and some non-political charities are still politically charged). And if you want to go ahead with a charity that may be a challenge for some of your guests, that's still your choice to defend. But remember, there may be a guest who will make an unwelcome comment.

So you can go in either direction. No one will fault you for an edible or disposable favor, but the charitable gift requires careful thought. Go with your comfort level.