Friday, February 15, 2008

Getting ready for the rest of your life

Probably the worst thing about preparing for a wedding is that once you get on a roll, you forget what's it's all about. This can be the best thing as well, especially if you're having second thoughts or undo concerns. Fortunately, I have met only one or two couples where I wondered how long this union might last. My own bridesmaids had placed bets we wouldn't be together for more than five years. That was 32 years ago and we're still going strong.

Wedding planning and scrutinizing details can be fun for awhile and overwhelming at times. It's just a part of the process and it always leaves you relieved when it's over. It's a "production", major or minor, an opening and closing night rolled into one.

How to keep your eyes on the prize? Don't forget to talk to your fiance, as much as you need to and as often as you get the chance. If you feel like you shouldn't be complaining, set it up so that it is meant to be a "clearing", not a "dumping". I met a bride last fall who broke off her engagement temporarily since her husband- to- be wasn't making any effort to hear her out and pick up at least a small load of sympathy for all the work she was doing. He was in the Navy and shipped out, but he still had access to various mail and phone lines and found himself not connecting as often as she needed him to do. The break up was all he needed to wake up and let her speak up about the overwhelming loneliness she had in doing the lion's share of wedding detail.

Why is this so important? Your stress factors in wedding planning and execution forecast the other stresses headed your way: balancing children (babies) and work, business travel when separation throws an undeserved share on one person's shoulders. Coming together on your wedding challenges models your ways of taking on the real world challenges in the life you have ahead of you. It's worth the extra time and effort. When two people "own" the event, it's a creative endeavor, a little jewel designed for deep satisfaction and joy.

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