Saturday, February 23, 2008

Receptions and your officiant

I have an officiant friend who was surprised and concerned about hearing from a groom that he was expecting her and her husband to come to the couples' wedding reception.

In days past when it was clergy who married almost everyone, it was not unusual for a priest, minister or rabbi to attend a wedding reception and offer a blessing before the meal. Today the rules have changed. A nondenominational minister or JP does not hold the same relationship with the couple or any close family member, so the pastoral role is not present right from the start. However, the couple may still seek to create a bond, however fleeting, with the officiant and may want to include that person among the reception's guests.

What to do? Well, no single officiant I know is expecting an invitation. We work for you to create your ceremony. All the other events of your wedding are separate and unique, but distinct from your actual ceremony. You are not obligated to invite your officiant to your reception, but if it's very important to you, make this clear before you hire him or her. You are paying your officiant to write, rehearse and perform your ceremony. You neither need to incur extra cost to host the officiant, nor do you want to necessarily request extra time from your officiant either.

A prearranged agreement is fine, as long as all parties are comfortable. If you don't want to discuss it, assume your officiant is not expecting to be seated at any guest table after your ceremony.

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