After enough ceremonies to notice how nerves can overtake a ceremony flow, I want to suggest a simple avenue to relaxation: after you take a deep breath, look at someone, anyone, to keep yourself focused and calm.
The most obvious eyes to gaze into would be your groom (or bride), but not necessarily so. After all, this is a historic moment, and you both may be feeling jittery. In my work as an officiant, at the beginning of the ceremony, before the official words are spoken, I look at the parents sitting in the first row: they have an emotional bond and a field of gratitude for having this day come to pass. Of course they also feel included---eye contact creates its own special bond.
With the bride and groom I tell them to look at each other during their vows. These are promises you make to each other, not to your officiant. Sometimes the couple fears this: what if I cry? Yes, what if? What's wrong with crying? Your heart is full and you know the deep value of your words, the sincerity of your intention. The other suggestion I make is that if the nerves overwhelm you, look at me: I'll bring you back to yourself.
What's the point of eye contact? The eyes are the windows to the soul, and the soul of those who love you has no nerves, only free space. It's this place of peace, of openness that we look for in a ceremony. The eyes have it.
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